


She Don't Wanna Marry Me

by Lord_Byron_Mudkippington



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, F/F, One-Sided NozoMaki, Pining, She... is the flower girl. Yes, Weddings, Yes I do realize that Rin isn't there at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington/pseuds/Lord_Byron_Mudkippington
Summary: At Eli and Nozomi's wedding, Maki commiserates about the love she'll never have.
Relationships: Ayase Eli/Toujou Nozomi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 29





	She Don't Wanna Marry Me

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_IwENcMPOA

Well, this was it. This was the day where Eli and Nozomi got married. Everyone Maki knew was going to be there, including plenty of people she didn't. It was going to be beautiful. She knew it would, because they had Kotori and Nico in their corner, who were the outfit designing and event planning experts. They had all of their lifelong friends in their corner. That meant she was going to have to go there, swallow her emotions, and be a good sport. She was many things, but a wedding ruiner was not one of them.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she felt empty as she ran a lint roller over her tuxedo. She was part of Eli's bridesmaids - or perhaps it should be groomsmaids... bridegrooms? - along with Umi and Honoka, which meant that she absolutely could not skip this event. That was besides the fact that she had been friends with them for years. It would seem suspicious if she didn't attend, even though just the thought of seeing the two of them say 'I do' made her stomach churn.

For someone as socially unsure as Maki, it only made sense that she would crush on an unavailable woman. She had become rather fond of Nozomi during her first year of high school, as they grew closer in the idol group they had both joined. Of course, she'd had no chance right from the get-go. Eli and Nozomi were practically joined at the hip since the first time she'd seen them, and the two of them announcing they were going out before they graduated surprised no one. That didn't make it any easier to take, though.

Her feet seemed to be moving on their own as she walked down to her car. She needed to get there early, since she was in the wedding party, and being fashionably early was always her thing. Besides, she needed time to push her feelings down as deep as she could so they wouldn't come out at an inopportune time. Well, anytime she was around other people would be inopportune, but at the wedding of her crush was more inopportune than usual.

It was a good thing that her GPS was telling her where to go. Not only did she not have the location memorized, but with how much her mind was wandering, she couldn't trust herself to watch the signs properly. Honestly, she probably shouldn't have even been behind the wheel with how little she was paying attention. All she could think of were the years she had spent pining over Nozomi. The sneaky glances and the increased heart rate whenever Nozomi spoke to her. It still gave her a thrill to be in Nozomi's presence, but it also made her feel sick to her stomach knowing Eli, the woman who had won her heart, was always near. They were perfect for each other, and that was what made her feel so incredibly low.

She nearly missed two of her turns, but she finally made it. There were already a handful of cars parked in the parking lot, and she took a spot with the surrounding spots empty. Turning off the car, she laid her head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath, her entire body shaking. How was she going to do this? How was she supposed to stand there and watch the love of her life get married to another woman?

Perhaps that was overbearing, since the two of them had never dated. Nozomi didn't know about her feelings, and it wasn't likely she had ever considered something close to reciprocating them. That didn't matter to Maki's broken heart, though. She had kept a candle burning for Nozomi after all these years. Up to that day, she had never so much as gone on a date with another person. It was easy enough to say she was busy, throwing herself into all the work it took to become the next chief of medicine at the Nishikino Hospital. That was true, but if the person who wanted to date her was Nozomi, she'd make time. She'd make all the time in the world.

A few errant tears started to slip down her cheeks, which she quickly wiped away. After checking her disposition in the rearview mirror, she got out of the car and made the slow trudge towards the wedding. It was taking place in a garden, which somehow made a lot of sense. When she stepped into the garden itself, she was floored by how beautiful it was. Every flower and shrub was treated to perfection. It looked wonderful.

She stood in the middle of the garden, between the perfectly-placed chairs, and stared at the altar. There was a pretty bouquet spanning the length like a flowery banner, and seeing it all in front of her made her want to shed a few more tears. She was happy for them, she really was. Nozomi was always over the moon when talking about the wedding, and she wanted nothing more than for her to be happy, no matter how it happened. Still, she wasn't sure how she was going to get through this without some sort of an emotional breakdown.

"Maki!" She turned to see Umi waving her over, looking rather dashing in her own black tuxedo. Then again, Umi had always looked good in those types of outfits. Maki walked over to her, working on her expression to not let Umi realize she was struggling emotionally. Thankfully, even as an adult Umi wasn't good at deciphering others' emotions. "Bright and early, I see?" She was safe for the moment.

"Mm. I wouldn't be late for the big day." She smiled, and it was forced, but that was fine. For her, it didn't matter, since she always had an awkward way of smiling. Genuine smiles from her were rare, so it shouldn't set off any alarm bells. 

She followed Umi into a small building next to the garden. Inside, she could see people scurrying around making sure everything was in its proper place. With all the blondes moving around, she had a feeling they were the Ayase family. Standing in the entranceway to another room, fixing her tie, was Eli. Umi immediately headed her way, and she had little recourse but to follow.

"Maki! Glad you could make it." Eli wrapped her up in a tight hug, and she felt compelled to reciprocate. When Eli pulled away, she could see how dashing she looked. Her hair was tied up in its familiar ponytail - she had started wearing it down at university, but went back to basics for her wedding day - and her tuxedo looked perfect on her. She seemed every bit the dashing wife she was about to be. Standing in front of the inevitable future made Maki feel sick.

"Of course I'm here. You know I wouldn't miss this." No matter how badly she wanted to. As Eli and Umi fell into conversation, she excused herself and started to wander around aimlessly. She wondered if there were any refreshments, since her mouth felt like a desert, but the thought of trying to swallow anything but her sadness made her want to puke. Maybe she needed to ask for the restrooms instead.

Out in the garden again, she noticed there was another building on the left side. Needing something to distract her, she decided to head in there. Once inside, she realized that she had probably made a mistake. There were an equal amount of people bustling around on that side, but there was a lot more purple. If the other side was for Eli, then this one must be for Nozomi. Okay, time to go.

"Maki?" Shoot. She turned to see Hanayo coming up to her, a look of concern on her face. "Uh, this is the bride's side of the wedding. Are you okay being here?" She had been able to fool everybody else about how she felt: even Nozomi, who always seemed to have her third eye open, didn't know that she had a friend pining over her. Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to completely fool Hanayo and Rin, no matter how hard she tried. That didn't mean she wouldn't continue trying, though.

"Of course I am. Nozomi's my friend too, you know?" There was an imperceptible falter in her voice when she said 'friend', knowing that was all they would be. Friendship was the best she could hope for when it came to Nozomi. That should be enough, right? It was enough for everyone else who wasn't Eli. She could barely stand it, though. Friendship couldn't begin to encompass everything she felt about the bride to be.

"Yes, but..." Hanayo chewed on her lower lip, holding a half-full glass of water in her left hand. She was wearing a purple dress, which fit her well. It was clear that Nozomi's bridesmaids were all going to be wearing purple, which made sense. For a fleeting moment, she wondered how Nozomi looked in her wedding dress, but stomped that thought out quick. She couldn't dwell on things like that if she wanted to stay sane.

"It's _fine_ , Hanayo. Don't worry about me." She tried to flash her the best fake smile she could muster, but the ever-present frown on Hanayo's face revealed her failure. This conversation needed to cease, with no offense to Hanayo of course. "Is that for Nozomi?" She pointed at the glass, which Hanayo nodded after looking down at it. "You should go give that to her. You have to do what the bride wants, right?" She chuckled to herself, but it was an empty laugh.

"O-Of course. I'll... I'll see you later, Maki." With one last worried look at her, Hanayo headed off down the hall. She watched her enter a room that must've been where Nozomi was. It was difficult to get her legs to work again. She just kept staring at the door, wondering when Nozomi would appear. How beautiful would she look in her dress? Could she even handle seeing her like that? Eventually someone nearly bumped into her because she was standing in the middle of the hall like an idiot, and she got moving after a quick apology.

It only made sense that she started walking right towards the door where Nozomi and her bridesmaids were. It was an unconscious decision, and she should've known better than to trust her brain when she wasn't managing its actions. She tried to walk away and head back out into the garden, but she couldn't. Her feet were glued to the floor in front of the door, her eyes squinted as if she could see right through the wood.

Then the door cracked open, and she was looking right into the eyes of one Nico Yazawa. "Oy, you just standing there or somethin'? Well, at least it means I won't have to go track you down. Nozomi heard you were over here and wanted to see you." Before she could protest, Nico had stepped out and grabbed her arm. Normally, a short, shrimpy woman like Nico couldn't hope to drag her anywhere. However, she was still in a dazed, shocked state, allowing her to be easily tugged into the room.

She stumbled inside, pulling herself away from Nico and awkwardly readjusting her tie. It was all she could do to spend a few fleeting seconds not looking at the bride to be. Of course, that was a quick, vain distraction, and soon she had to look up and have her breath stolen from her lungs. Nozomi was standing in front of a bed big enough for one, wearing a white wedding dress and looking a bit harried.

"Maki! Quick, how do I look? Will this knock Eli's socks off?" She brushed non-existent dirt off her dress, then spread her arms and presented herself to Maki. She might as well have thrown a land mine beneath Maki's feet. 

"You... You look amazing." That was the honest truth: the dress _did_ look incredible on her. It flattered her in every way, trailing down to her feet and bathing her in purity. Of course, it wouldn't be a Nozomi wedding without _some_ cleavage on display, but it was at least tasteful this time. She looked downright gorgeous, and if Maki didn't get out of there right away, she was going to start crying.

"Aww, thank you Maki! I'd hug you, but Nicocchi would kill me if I got the dress wrinkled again." She giggled, and Maki's heart swooned. If she was wearing that dress, she wouldn't care about it getting wrinkled. She'd grab onto Nozomi and hold her tight, swearing to never let go. All she could do was nod, though, being as understanding as she could be.

"Finally you listen to me." Nico spoke up, and for once her rude bluster was appreciated. The attention was on her now, and Maki had a moment to breathe. This wasn't a room she should be in. All she could think about was being in Eli's position, dressed up nice and waiting at the altar for Nozomi to walk down the aisle. In such a stunning dress, it would've taken all she had to not just run down there and take her in her arms right away.

"Hey, uh, I'd better get back to Eli's side. Good luck on the wedding." With those awkward words hanging in the air, she waved to her friends and hurried out of the room, not looking back at them. As soon as she was outside, she walked briskly further down the hall, needing to put some distance between herself and the room. Eventually she came across a room with a 'bathroom' sign hanging on it. Thankful, she opened the door and hid inside.

She took a look at herself in the mirror, watching as tears began to form in her eyes. As put together as she appeared on the outside, she could see right through herself to the mess that was underneath. It wasn't pretty. She sank down to her knees, grabbing onto the sink as she let the tears fall. No one could come in and interrupt her: not with the door locked. So she let herself break down in private, silently sobbing as her tears dripped down to the floor.

It was a mistake to be there. How was she supposed to get through an entire wedding knowing that the love of her life was getting married to another woman? Not only that, but they were getting married _right in front of her_. Worst of all, at least for her victimizing self, she couldn't hate either of them for it because they were her long time friends. All she could do was be mad at herself, and cry about it like a baby.

She had to stop before she cried all of her tears out. It occurred to her just how long she had been gone. If she was away any longer, Eli and the other bridegrooms would be concerned about her absence. They all needed to prepare together anyway, and they couldn't do that if she was off hiding in a bathroom. It took more effort than it should have to get up, but she did it. She got up and exited the bathroom, trekking slowly down the hall and back towards the other side.

By the time she got back to Eli's side, Honoka had joined the proceedings. Fashionably late as always. Honoka jumped towards her as soon as she was in view, saying hi and how are you and about five different questions and excited statements. It made Maki's head hurt, but thankfully Umi yanked her away before she had to answer any of them. Some things never changed... some for the better, some for the worst.

The quick rehearsals went by in a blur. She luckily retained what she had to, which admittedly wasn't much. All she had to do was follow Umi out at the same time as Kotori was following Nico. It was a relief that was all she had to do, as her brain had only so much room for stuff that didn't involve commiserating. She could feel the pit in her stomach growing wider, swallowing her whole as she was engulfed in dread for what was to come.

Eventually the time came for the ceremony to start. She wasn't ready, but truthfully she never _would_ be ready. Besides, what did it matter whether or not she was ready? It wasn't her wedding, no matter how badly she wanted it to be. With a heavy heart, she stood behind Umi and tried to look as collected as possible. It was hard to do so.

The music started playing out in the garden, and she watched as Eli walked out alone. Then Umi vanished out the door, leaving her alone with Honoka. She could feel the anxiety and nervousness ratcheting up inside her, almost making her double over in pain. She couldn't even look over her shoulder at Honoka, fearing that those feelings would be written all over her face. That decision was taken out of her hands when she heard the beat of the music letting her know she needed to go.

She had been stuck in her own head so much that she hadn't even thought about how packed the garden would be. Her steps faltered when she saw all the people sitting there, their eyes trained on her. It made her feel like she was about to be pushed down to her knees by the specter of her anxiety, but then she noticed Kotori stepped ahead of her on the other side. She forced herself to shake it off and walk quicker to catch up, eyes focused directly ahead on everything and nothing.

Taking her spot next to Umi, she turned back to the crowd. Now their attention was on Honoka and Hanayo, who seemed much more at ease heading out from the side buildings. Honoka was always so cheerful and had a nice skip in her step, but Hanayo was far from the timid girl she had been in high school. She hadn't suddenly become a social butterfly, but she wasn't threatening to pass out with all those people watching her. How come everybody had improved but her?

Now they were all gathered in their proper places, and it was time for the bride to arrive. As the music reached a crescendo, everybody looked behind them, towards the center doors. Maki tried to busy herself with fixing her tie, but she ended up just shoving her hands behind her back, grabbing onto her left wrist. It wasn't that hot, but she swore that she was sweating bullets. In an awful way, she hoped that the doors stayed forever closed.

They did not. The doors opened, and out came Nozomi, arm interlocked with the arm of a man who must have been her father. As they came down the aisle, everybody started 'ooh'ing and gasping. She could hear Eli whisper "Horasho", and honestly, yeah. That about summed it up. Having already seen her in her dress, Maki already knew how stunning she looked. Out in the garden, surrounded by all their friends and family, she looked positively angelic.

Nozomi was beaming as she came to stand next to Eli, who couldn't take her eyes off her. To be fair, Maki couldn't either. It made sense to look at the couple, but she was really looking at one of them. She found herself in a daze as the ceremony began, barely listening as the officiator spoke about all those nice things about marriage. Her eyes hopefully weren't crossed as she found herself lost in her own world.

If things were different, she could be standing in Eli's place. Nozomi would be standing opposite her, looking ravishing and they could declare their love for each other. They'd put rings on each other's fingers and be officially married, living happily ever after. That wasn't reality, though, and it never would be. That was Eli Nozomi was marrying. She was just a poor bridegroom with a crush and a broken heart. 

The vows were exchanged and the rings were placed on their fingers. Maki could only watch in silence as they pledged their love for each other. Then the officiator spoke those familiar words: "If anyone has a reason why this couple should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace." That was the one moment where she could say something. She could jump out of line and declare that they shouldn't get married because of her undying love for Nozomi.

What would that accomplish, though? Nozomi wouldn't get to this point in her relationship with Eli just to throw it all away and date her. All she'd do is cause a scene, get kicked out, and be ostracized from the only friends she had. The wedding would continue on, but with an uncomfortable air around it. Everyone would talk about the Nishikino doctor who ruined a nice wedding by being a selfish jerk. So she said nothing. She kept her mouth shut and watched the love of her life marry someone else.

"I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss the bride. Ah, whichever bride you choose." It was Eli who kissed Nozomi, and everyone started cheering. There was clapping and crying, with Maki among them. She was crying just as much as everyone else, but at least now she could pretend it was because of how happy she was for them. Of course, that would be a boldfaced lie. She was absolutely miserable, knowing that any minute chance she had to be with Nozomi was gone. In a crowd of people who had come there to see two longtime friends - and girlfriends - get married, she felt completely alone.

Nozomi wanted to get married, but she didn't want to marry Maki.


End file.
